Updated: Jul 5, 2019
We hear the phrase “fallen out of love” a lot with couples these days. At times, it may even seem to be an epidemic in our culture. If you are in this place or have a close friend who is, check out this advice from Pastor and Author, Matt Chandler:
What would you say to the person who genuinely feels they’ve fallen out of love with their spouse?
My heart breaks for people in this place. They’ve believed a lie and have been discipled by our culture’s weak and sad understanding of love, rather than by the robust strength of love as it’s unpacked in the Bible. It’s important that we compassionately and graciously steer the conversation back to what love is and what love is not. I’m afraid that love is completely misunderstood in our over-romanticized age. It’s become a junk-drawer word most often used to describe some fluttery flirty feeling that has no weight underneath. It seems many believe love is simply and purely emotive. And because people believe it’s solely emotive, and not tied to an understanding of covenant, then you can fall in and out of it.
I’ve found it immensely helpful in both counseling and preaching to get back to what the Bible says love looks like and what the historic understanding of the covenant of marriage is. There are plenty of days where our emotions are not where want them, but our covenant with our spouse should remain strong. The vows we make on our wedding day affirm that we already understand this. We don’t say “for better, for health, in richness,” but “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer.” This is covenantal language. This is how the Christian is to understand love. We are not under an emotive contract, but a covenant before God to be faithful to our spouse regardless of our emotional state.