Updated: Jun 12, 2020
When I talk to men about their use of pornography, I often hear something like, "I am not really looking at porn that much" or "it's not as bad as it used to be". The message these guys are communicating is clearly that it's not that big a deal. But the truth is, sin is always a big deal. Looking at porn is sin against my spouse and sin against the God, who created me. It is a big deal!
And lest you not believe me, let me tell you the story of two men that I know personally. Both had "porn problems" just as you do, and just as I had earlier in my life. The first guy, Kenneth (not his real name), was dabbling in porn for years. Had tried to stop numerous times, but without success. Kenneth ended up having two affairs with women he met through work connections. And those two affairs, when exposed, almost ended his marriage. He and his wife are healing now, but there was a long hard road that started with his porn addiction. Kenneth would tell you today, "That stuff will ruin you!!" He accurately sees that the porn problem was a slippery slope to his adulterous affairs.
The second man is Raymond (not his real name). Raymond dabbled in porn from a young age, as many men do. He thought after getting married that his urges for porn would stop, but they did not. He too, like Kenneth, tried a number of times to quit porn, but without success. Eventually his porn addiction led him to dabble in child porn -- something he could never have imagined himself doing. Raymond was caught trying to access child porn (a serious offense) and is now facing years in prison. His marriage was also seriously threatened by this.
Kenneth and Raymond are not "made up stories". These are real men I have walked with through the carnage of porn in their lives. Take heed from their lives and be determined to KILL porn use in your life. We cannot manage sin --- it will eventually win the battle.
You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to Him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. Romans 8:9-11
You can truly be free from pornography. In His great grace, God freed me many years ago and I have never returned to it. Other men I know have the same testimony. Don't believe the lie that "it's normal" or that "you'll always have this battle". The truth is this: Christ can set you free!
SUGGESTED ACTION STEPS:
Buy two copies of the book Finally Free by Heath Lambert and read it with another brother in Christ. This book gives a Christ-centered blueprint for freedom from porn.
Read Proverbs 5, 6, and 7. Those chapters have a lot to say about the "adulterous woman". Read them, asking the Lord to give you a heart and eyes that are only desirous of looking at your wife. Again, ask another brother in Christ to join you in this study and praying for one another on this journey to freedom.
Free Online Resources:
Conqueror Series Article: https://conquerseries.com/5-ways-porn-ruins-your-life-and-relationships/
Covenant Eyes - Free downloadable E-books: https://www.covenanteyes.com/e-books/
Rick Thomas Article: https://rickthomas.net/when-looking-for-pornography-start-in-the-heart/
Covenant Eyes - Rebuilding Trust: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2014/05/12/5-things-husband-rebuild-trust/
AUTHOR: Glen Solberg is a man who is passionate about marriage - his own and the marriages of those around him! He and his wife, Shawn, have been married since 1992 and have been investing in the marriages of others full-time since 2003. You can find out more by going to the About Page.
Written by Glen Solberg, Marriage Revolution. All Rights Reserved. If you have questions or suggestions, you can connect with us via our Contact Us page.